Most Days

Most days, I talk to my Father. As far away as heaven seems, there are times He seems to be so close.   At the end of the day only His opinion of me matters.  Lately I have been thinking alot about Motherhood, what it means, and how it has shaped my journey.

I have officially been a work outside of the home mom for 1 year, 4 months and 3 days.  I thought I never would miss any of the mundane days of piles of laundry, cooking hot lunches,  filling sippy cups, and pushing strollers.  Today I actually did... at least for a split second.

Recently a girlfriend pointed out to me how childhood is so short but, adulthood will last the rest of our children's lifetimes. As I thought about that, I realized there are many things that I can not change and so many things that I am glad I have did for my kids this far. 

One of the best gifts I can give to them from here on out is the gift of a whole mother.  The best thing I can do  for them is to  check my emotional baggage at Jesus' feet everyday if necessary  and not give it to them to carry,  and to make my health a priority so that I can have the energy and mobility to enjoy them as long as I am able to.

Today my heart longs for God's wisdom and perspective.  I look to him to weed out those things that are not necessary and shine His light on those things that are meaningful and life giving. 

So Dear Lord,  I ask this evening in the middle of my imperfection and constant comparison to the non existent perfect mom, I am in need of your perspective once again for you are the Perfect Parent. You are slow to anger and full of mercy. Thank you for being merciful to me.  Help me to extend mercy to others especially my children.

Dear Lord, at the end of myself gently remind me  that your love, your strength, your wisdom is limitless and is always  available to me.  Remind  me  that your hand of love  is far reaching and can touch my children's hearts and minds  in ways that I will never be able to.  Help me  to trust that you will always partner with me and help me to be the parent I  need to be at every season of life my children walk through.  And where I have fallen short, fill in those gaps as only you can. Thank you for being a loving, completely whole Heavenly Father.   Amen.

And then He said...

I hear the  Savior say,

"Thy strength indeed is small;

Child of weakness, watch and pray.

Find in Me thine all in all"

Jesus paid it all,

All to Him I owe;

Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.

*Elvina Hall