The heat is on

It was  a wonderful 90 plus degrees today and I say that sarcastically.  Most of the day we were schooling and after school zipped out to the Y so that I can join another Y change group.  Much to my surprise, I am at my goal weight- well really,  2 pounds over my goal weight and my waist is only 1 inch bigger than it was in high school! Yeah Me!

 I still however have to carve out the me time to exercise consistently.  Which means for me getting up early-again and working out again.  Early a.m. is  the only time of day that I can do it.  And I have to throw in some  resistance training.  Which means the dreaded bands, bars and jump rope.  But, I think the route I'm going to take is Zumba at least 4 times a week, lunges, squats, and some upper body resistance which I haven't figured out yet.  Not to mention boost up my fiber, grains, greens and fruits.  But, I am encouraged, I don't have any physical limitations that won't allow me to work out or get into even more better shape.  I am super excited to "just do it" as Nike would say.  Now if I can only finish up the school year before June 30 that would be icing on the cake.

The imperfect Mother

Before having children, I dreamed of the perfect picture of what my life would be like surrounded by little ones.  I'd bake cookies, spin them around in my arms, their outfits would be immaculate,and color coordinated and their hair in place.  My house would be clean-all of the time, the table set with fine linen and china (that the kids would handle so gently as not to break it), and they all would go to bed on time.

Fast forward to present day and my life looks nothing like that but, looks a lot like the way it should.  I bake cookies-and we eat 99 % of them before nightfall, I spin them around, the neighborhood, Dr's. appointments, and to activities, their outfits are usually on the right way, not always color coordinated and for the most part clean, and their hair is  in the right place, it's on their heads.

I wish I could say my house is clean all the time, but its clean enough, I wish I could say that I have a complete china set,  and I wish I could say that all of the kids got to bed on time.  What I can say is that sometimes we do breakfast for dinner, and eat ice cream before lunch, we go to the pool in the afternoon, when only us homeschoolers are there, and  my kids can sort and fold laundry and know how to set a table.  They can go to a restaurant without running around, ask other adults questions without being scared, and meet the mail lady at the box before she gets there and give her a smile as she gives them the mail.  They are learning how to say sorry when they have done wrong and are learning that shoes don't go in the middle of the walkway.  They are learning what an inside voice is and what it means to be loud and crazy.   

I can not be phony. It's not my nature.  If my house is never dirty, my kids will never know what it means to clean it, if I never get angry or have disagreements,  they will never know what it means to handle problems improperly or properly, or how to reconcile. If I hide behind a facade and pretend everything is perfect 100% of the time, I rob them of the opportunity to navigate their way through the ebbs and flows of their imperfect lives. If I pretend there is no struggle, how will they ever see God at work in my life.  If they don't see me read the Word, or pray or trust and infallible God, what hope will they have, what will they believe in, and what will they hold onto, when they have their own struggles.  There is a passage in the Bible that I keep rolling over in my mind,  the verse where  Jesus says, that in this world we will have trouble but, be of good cheer  I have overcome the world.  But, I am beginning to see He does not want me to despair because He will help me overcome 'the world" as He overcame 'the world'.  I'm okay being the imperfect Mother.

Just a few things I learned

Over the last past school year, I was faced with a myriad of decisions, problems, highs, lows, and successes.  But, such is life, right?  A few things that I come to know to be true that I can not gloss over that I learned from various sources are:

• "Friends don't let friends mother alone" MOPS.
• People who don't know the full story of your life fill in the  blanks (with usually their imagined vision of the truth).  This is so dangerous.
• It's okay to be who you are and to rest in that freedom.
• As a stay at home mom, guard your heart, and guard your time.
• People assume because you stay home, that your schedule is wide open- for them.  Guess what" It's not.
• Let the answering machine take all your calls during business hours.  Besides the fact that schooling is a huge priority, I never answer the phone during dinner or lunch unless, we are having a party. (Someone might need directions to my house).
• I will never feel guilty for wanting to see my children's "firsts" in life, and for wanting to teach them to read.  Don't let the decisions others make for their children intimidate you or make you defensive.
• Nothing gives  greater satisfaction to me  than over hearing my 4 year old explain to my 10 year old how compost is made and what it is used for.  I don't think she learned that playing in a sandbox.
• It will always serve your soul well to step back and determine what is really life giving for you and cut out all the rest.
• "The world can't mimic  a mother's love" Radiance Foundation.
• My mothering will look totally different than yours and that is okay.
• If a friend, a sister, a brother, a cousin, or any significant person in your life cries out for help, if you are who you say you are, then the answer is Yes, you are your brother's keeper. Shame on me, if I look the other way!
• Most of the people in life I find myself connected to don't share, my last name,  and aren't on my family tree, don't look like me, eat different foods, and are different nationalities.
• In the end I have to live with me for the rest of my life, may the decisions I make not make me ashamed, may the company I keep not pull me down, may the joy that I bring, inspire others to grow.

~Big Momma

What can I say?

So it's official, I fell off the Y change wagon.  I haven't been feeling 100 percent so, I haven't been eating tons but, I also haven't really been exercising either.  On top of that, I rearranged my schedule so that I could be at my Y change session but, totally forgot to write it in my calender, ended up going to an appointment that had been rescheduled and ended up my Ychange meeting.  I guess I've missed 2 weeks and now its 4 weeks into the program and I'm no further along than the week that I started.   But I am further along in laundry.  I spent the entire day doing every piece of laundry I could find in the house and  now only have 2 loads to go and I official ran out of detergent.  Heading to Sams to stock up on the goods, and get a behemoth jug of laundry detergent to finish off the job.