Not only does he love me, he likes me.

I rarely blog on a Sunday but, was just feeling like I should publicly give God glory for all He has done for me. I always tell people about how God is concerned about every little detail of our lives. Today someone (Yes someone, because I don't know their name), reminded me that every hair on our head is numbered by God, every one of them he assigns a number to. Would it then be inconceivable that he cares about other minute details of our lives? Lately, it seems as though in the midst of my crazy life, every time I turn around God hits me with the reality that He is there-with me, loves me incredibly, and will never, ever give up on me. He is my biggest cheerleader. And as I trust Him more all of the negative thoughts and feelings self generated, or externally directed at me begin to pale in comparison to who He is and how He feels about me. For that I am grateful. So today I just want to say thank you Lord, I know with out and ounce of doubt that there is no one else like You!

Happy V Day!

Today we reached the predicted 60 degrees and we loved it! The fam exchanged valentines while, I set up for class. The class came decorated cookies, giggled, sang, ate cookies, played a game, laughed, got creative, and went home. I then rushed Cookie to a party, came home and fed kids #2, 3, and 4, went to Park Day w/ our home school group, left, picked up Cookie, went back to Park Day and stayed another hour or so before coming home. (Gotta love run on sentences!). After coming home, the kiddos had more playtime outside and I remembered that I had to load the dishwasher and clean up any icing that graced my kitchen. In between all of the clean up I had the brilliant idea to throw some turkey burgers on the grill. 3 out of the 4 kids loved them. The 4th decided that she would eat her bun and tater tots instead. So as the sun goes down on this side of the country, I have to say we had a good day. As for the lesson today, sometimes schooling is just enjoying the sunshine, indoors and out.

How could I forget my Nu beginning?

After much contemplation and deciding against a boy cut, I decided to do Nubian knots- on my own. It took about 4 hours. I am pretty happy with the results.Yet 2 weeks later and it is time to retouch them. Otherwise I would take a pic now and upload it. Unfortunately the only pics I have when it was first done are on my camera phone and I don't have the mini usb cord to upload them my blog. So I sent the pic to another cell phone that has Internet on it in hopes that the blackberry guru can email it back to me and I can upload it to my blog. So if you're really curious Google Nubian Knots and that should give you an idea.

Better Late than Never!

I got to the Y a little before 9 today because Noahkeem's team meets a half hour before games to practice. As we rushed into the gym much to my surprise none of the kids had the same jersey as him. I was 1 hour early! I couldn't believe it! It was deja vu! Just 2 weeks prior, I told Big D the wrong time for Rocco's game so he ended up not making it. After looking at the clock once again, I signed my boys into "The Interactive Zone" to play Wii and all the other crazy dancing, jumping, biking activities there while I got myself a coffee and some glossies a.k.a magazines. I then sat down on the couch and relaxed. As I was skimming through some home decor mag, I made a mental note to go back to Books-a-million to get a large-grid family organizer wall calender. Which I might ad was only 3 bucks! So after Rocco's game, we zoomed down the highway and got the calendar. After we got back in the car, I ripped open the cellophane and saw that the blocks (the little box where the date is) were even bigger than advertised. Yippee. So tonight's project is taking the color coded pen -one color for each kid, and purple for Big Daddy, and writing down every one's schedule, and appointments and all the stuff that keeps me busy, crazy, and thankful that voicemail exists.

Dolly is 4!

Yesterday Dolly turned four! It is so amazing just to think that 4 years ago she was the size of a loaf of bread and now she's walking, talking, singing, dancing, and letting it be known that she is on the scene. I was told the more kids you have the shorter the labor- WRONG! I went to the hospital with Dolly at 6:30, expecting her to be born any minute, she wasn't born until 6:30 that evening. If I didn't know any better, she probably was saying, "slow your roll lady, it's not time yet". Needless to say, we waited all day while Dollyrama took her time. Once she was born, I can't even explain the joy my heart felt. And once it the bustling of the nurses ceased and it was just me and Dolly in the room alone, I just stared at her in the dim light, knowing that it would be a long time before we will hear this much quiet again. I smiled at her in amazement that just a few hours before, there was one less person in the room, and that was no longer the case. Just a few short hours I was one big momma, and now my belly was deflated and now there were 2 of me.

I love my little Dolly so much. She makes up the sweetest songs about me and her. (Grammar?) She sings about how we love each other and how we're best friends and how we're nice to each other, and pretty and wear nice clothes-even if I'm in sweats! She planned her birthday a week in advance and let us know that 2 things were a must- no 3 things: she wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese, she wanted a double stroller for her babies, and she wanted to watch a movie. So we made all of those things happen. She even told Cookie that she wanted it to snow for her birthday and about 9:00pm guess what? It started to snow. It was just a wonderful day with minimal bickering amongst the crew, lots of smiles and laughter and we only managed to break 2 birthday gifts over the course of the day! Happy 4th birthday Dolly, your my bestie too!

This is where I am

It was 71 degrees today and it felt good. Especially given that a huge part of our country is covered in snow. There is no sun but, its warm. And warm is good. After chores and a little bookwork to keep the brain happy, I let the little people go outside and take advantage of the warmth. From what I hear it will be in the 40s if not lower tomorow.

At the encouragement of a friend, I'm going to share a little of my grief. I was reluctant to do so but, it is what it is. My girlfriend, who I call "Jamaica" passed away suddenly, and unexpectedly a little over a month ago. And although it has been a month, I don't feel the shock that I felt when I first heard the news. What hits me the most is that I still look for her car when I pass her job. I hear her voice in my head. I want to ask her opinion or share my ideas but, I can't.. I want to text her during the day but, I can't. I want to share my praise reports with her but, I can't. Because she is gone. She is no longer alive. She was my cheerleader and all I have left of her are memories.

I stood in my bedroom today looking out the window and watched the clouds slowly gliding across the gray sky and felt the permanence of her being gone from this earth. So up until now, I never asked God why. I figured that he knows what he's doing. I guess I was afraid to question Him. But part of me wants to know why so soon, why so sudden, and what would her life been like should she have lived? Would she have been okay? Would she have gotten sick? Would she have been the model of success that we saw she was evolving into? Would her life take a different path than what we expected it to? Did she have an epiphany after she died and realize that she wasn't at her apartment, but, that she was in heaven? Did the things of her world including the people in it mean nothing when she was greeted by loved ones in heaven? Did all that wondering melt away when she looked into the eyes of Jesus? The thought of finally being completely loved, fully enveloped in His love and warmth, like a cocoon, makes tears well up in my eyes and a lump come into my throat. I guess that is what makes me homesick. I don't mean homesick for crazy New Jersey, where I grew up. I mean homesick for the home that God has prepared for those who belong to Him, and serve Him. Homesick for a Heavenly place that I have read about, and heard about. Homesick for a place that I was before I was conceived. Homesick and longing to be covered in love. Loved by a Savior who when I look into His eyes, I know that nothing else matters except that I am accepted 100 % by Him. Loved 100% through and through by Him.

When Whoopi Goldberg lost her mother, she asked, Who will love her more than her mother? And I guess the answer is no one on earth. As I walk through this difficult process, I realize that in this life no one will love me more than my Savior... He was the only one who gave his life for me. I guess that is why He said that greater love has no man than he lay down his life for a friend. So yes I still miss my Jamaica and I probably always will.