a good decision

Another hairy week in the land of motherhood. Given that yesterday was another one of those days for a myriad of reasons to numerous to list, I decided to make myself feel better by opening a Christmas gift. After I opened it I realized, this is the reason why people hide things and usually don't put goodies under the tree until Christmas Eve. Opening the gift did not make me feel better. It just caused me to have several light bulb moments, one of them being that I need to get cracking and start wrapping my kids gifts.

Amidst this weeks mayhem, I received a Christmas Card from a friend with a terminal illness. Her children were so precious in it. It made me cry. I realized how fragile life is and with each breath, whether we are in health or not, we are moving closer to eternity. It made me think about how important it is to keep growing and going, in spite of. It reminded me to move far away from everything toxic vying for my attention. It reminded me how sad it is to hold grudges. (Which is another post in itself). It caused me to remember family members who have not been a priority in my life for one reason or another. It made me think about how wonderful my children are despite meltdowns-theirs and mine. It made me concluded that my only new years resolution needs to be is not to waste the time I have been given.

I can't take it anymore!

There are 22 more days until Christmas and every store I go into has "Christmas" music blasting and someone is always butchering the carols I loved as a kid. If I hear one more busted down rendition of the little drummer boy, or another song that has to do with someones heart being broken at Christmas time I will just scream! On a happier note, I found Dolly a soft Dora the Explorer doll at TJ MAxx for $4.99! Her head is rather large but, I don't think Dolly will care.

As I drove home tonight from my wonderful night of Xmas shopping, I turned on talk radio and of course what did I hear again? More dish on Tiger Woods. All I can say is, what Jesus said, "Whosoever looks on a woman and lusts after her has committed adultery in his heart". So what does that tell you? If your checking out a man or woman and your thoughts are running wild about how you can get busy with that person, Jesus says you have committed adultery. That being said, all of those that are cackling about Tiger Woods fail to see, that they probably at some time in their lives committed adultery too. I'm just telling it like it is.

Over the river and thru the woods

I won a Kreative Blogger award last month but, unfortunately could not update my blog to post all the kudos because, I'm still pimping off of Big D's computer on a sneak tip. Translation: My computer is dead, and I have to use my hubby's when I can. So I must say thank you to the dear one who selected me for this award.

Another matter of business to get out of the way:

• Why are we so concerned and caught up in Tiger Woods Drama? If he got his drink on and hit the tree so what? If he is having relationship issues.... so what? If he doesn't come out and say what happened to the media, so what?
• Why is it that commentators refer to Serena's reaction as a"hissy fit", which she was subsequently fined for when John McEnroe through hissy fits all the time and it was widely accepted, expected -even entertaining?

That being said, I am finally home after joining millions on the highway over the Thanksgiving Holiday. Day one back... Home Ec. Today dusted off our Xmas decorations and put up the Christmas trees. Its funny how so many used to bust on me for my years of artificial trees, and now they are the same ones who now put one up too. Artificial trees have come along way from when I was growing up. There are many replicas to choose from. You can even buy that smelly pine spray to make it smell more piney and Christmasy. That very pine scent is what causes me to get extremely nauseous and get severe headaches. Not to mention, with Cookies allergies, I just rather not have the "live" trees in my house. Each year I promise myself to get a bigger and better artificial tree but, this will now be my 12th year putting up my 6 ft tree that cost no more than $6 at a 90% off sale at a craft store in the Garden State which is now out of business.

Going on Thanksgiving holiday reminded me why I love where I live. First, my climate is mild, my streets less congested, my neighbors less pretentious and no one brings their dogs to the mall or transports them in little doggie strollers as if they are babies.... at least not this part of the state. (North of me? that may be the case). Either or, its annoying. Give me a break already! People care more about their dogs and saving the whales than they do about the homeless or aborting babies. Yes babies-not fetuses (but, that's another post for a rainy day).

With Christmas right around the corner, its scary to think that all my babies are very close to another birthday. But it is a precious thing any many ways. They are growing and learning and developing their personalities everyday. It is exciting to see their faces light up when they find a lost treasure 0r the pride they have when they are "teaching" a sibling something that they have learned and mastered. I am blessed with 4 awesome super heroes!

Christmas holiday advice for Now til January 1, 2010:
And as always, in every holiday season I have committed not to over commit and to give a slow "yes "and a quick "no" and at the end of the day, it makes all the difference.

What I am thankful for

I must confess that I didn't get all of my Christmas shopping done and I promised myself I would do it before Thanksgiving. My shopping area-which I also consider my downtown, gets extremely congested with everyone and their mom coming to shop at "The Market Place", "The Town Center" and the mall. I have to say that in the early evening traffic gets really crazy making a quick stop to the grocery store an adventure in Bumper-to-Bumper Land. I can't even begin to count all of the cars that run red lights and the ones that block the intersection. That being said, every thing I do this time of year in town is done before 3:00pm (and hopefully before December 24).

What I am thankful for:

• My 4 awesome kids- that make me laugh, cry, pray, dress up and be goofy and challenge me to be the best mother in their world.
• My wonderful babysitter- who is one of the sweetest, patient, loving and joyful young ladies I know... She's one of the few that I trust with my babies. She's one of the few my kids wish they could live with-forever.
• My 1st grade teacher Mrs. Morse... who taught me how to read.
• My mother, who cultivated my love of reading by taking us to the library every week.
• My 2 Modern gadgets I use the most- my cell phone & Ipod
• The beach-off season
• My New Life Church peeps who have prayed with me & for me and stood with me until those prayers were answered.
• Butterflies
• Best friends-who live far away but have always been close to my heart
• My hammock
• Icecream
• My extended family
• "tommorows" because they also mean you have a second chance.

All I want for Christmas!

The top of my Christmas list for the last 2 years has given a pink cruiser number one place. In competition for that spot was a gift, no money could buy: to have Dolly potty trained.

Back in July, I would say, "All I want is Dolly to be potty trained by August". In August, I would say, "I want Dolly to be potty trained by the New Year!" In October I began to say, "I want Dolly to be potty trained by Christmas... That's all I want for Christmas!"

Well, I am proud to announce that Christmas came early at my house.. Dolly has been potty trained for about 4 weeks now! At first, I was met with 3 consecutive days of dry pull ups and a little big girl peeing and pooping in the potty! I would of course call my mother and report my findings and she kept saying, "I think she's on her way!" 4 weeks later the progress has not stopped. 'DOLLY IS FULLY POTTY TRAINED'

I think milestones in childhood and motherhood should be celebrated. And in that spirit, I will be throwing my little big Dolly a Potty Party. She will have a cake, and gifts of big girl pants, and me, her mom will get a little diva purse- just big enough for keys, lipstick, i.d. and my ipod. I plan to invite her little big girlfriend Tisa over since over the last couple months she too has completed her ride on the potty train. I thought I never would be so excited about pee and poop in my life. Its just been all too wonderful not to have to change 30+ diapers and pull ups each week. Now if I could only find a way to cut down on all this laundry and get that pink cruiser, I would be on cloud nine.

Life

My computer is dead and I haven't lugged it to the Geek Squad for help. So needless to say its been very hard to blog.

Today Rocco asked me how many days til Christmas and I told him 50. Then it hit me.. That's not a whole lot of time. I somehow have to find some significant gifts for my four and decide if I should wait til January 1st to send a New Years/Christmas Card. Each year my list gets smaller and I will probably send out about 20 cards-if that. And that's completely fine with me.

We went to the mall today and the pointsettas and garland was everywhere- and I mean everywhere. I can not stand the crowds at holiday time so my plan is to get everything done before Thanksgiving.

I am proud to report that Dolly's potty training is going well. She is taking herself to the potty-even to poop. If she keeps it up she might even get a potty party. (a party to celebrate the end of pull ups, diapers, diaper cream, and diaper bags. And me, her mom going back to a small little diva purse).

It's been too long since my last post. Life has been happening full steam ahead. Besides that my computer is dead and I haven't had the Geek Squad look at it yet. Its painful to talk about since all of my priceless pictures and heartfelt treasures are up there.

The life lessons that I have been learning since I fell off the blogosphere is that Faith is not a feeling; If you have kids your faith in God-or who ever you believe will be stretched and tested, and if Jesus Christ is your Lord, then He will come and save you and answer you. If your faith is in something else or someone else, you may be disappointed.

They saved the day.

Yesterday evening two little people, a 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old came to me when I was sitting at my desk and asked with big smiles on their faces, "Are there any chores we can do for you?" Clearly they were coached and I figured something must be up. Soon after, I was given an invitation for a Party in my bedroom but, I was told it wasn't time and NOT to go in my bedroom. So I went back to what I was doing and when the house got mysteriously quiet, I went up stairs. The lights were off in my room but, as soon as I got in the doorway, all of my little people shouted, "Surprise!!!!". Cookie then passed me a CD to put into my player and Dolly, Rocco, and Noahkeem started break dancing. This was absolutely hilarious!

There were 2 envelopes on my bed one for me and one for Big D. Inside them there were love notes from all 4 of the children. They even gave us a paper chain that they made! It was the best surprise all day!!! We danced and laughed and acted like complete bobble heads and then I headed to the gym and they headed down the hall for baths. The "party" erased away all of the mundane annoyances of the day and I walked over 3 miles on the treadmill to boot!

Low tolerance

I don't know what is worse, a cold in the summer or when my level of tolerance is quickly declining. As a child, I used to think that adults had it all together and they were to be admired but, now that I am one, I realize my childhood ideals were so wrong. Either or this post calls for a list:

Things that confirm that most adults have not grown up:

1. A person flips you the bird after they cut you off and almost cause an accident.
2. Adults who still try to convince you that they know so much more than you because they feel their old age equates more experience and not because they are self absorbed or not self-aware.
3. They feel a sense of competition and intimidation if they weren't the ones who came up with your idea, dream or vision, instead of support all they can offer is...uh...nothing.
4. If you are "real" with your feelings they assume you are manic or depressed.
5. If you buck tradition and create your own or just plain do things your way, they get offended like you committed a crime.

Am I venting? Maybe.

She can Breathe Again.

A year and a half ago, Cookie would come inside from playing wheezing and gasping for air. She couldn't breathe. I had no idea what was going on or how to help her. It was scary and as her mother, I felt helpless. Soon after that, she was diagnosed with Asthma and we were thrust into a world of inhalers, albuterol, peek flow meters and medicine. It was all encompassing and so overwhelming since I had no one in my family that had asthma. Watching my daughter suffer and not being able to breathe prior to her diagnosis, cause me to determine that "I would not let asthma ruin her life!" So we continued allowing her to participate in Karate and other activities and just monitored her breathing. Over the course of the year I armed myself with knowledge about pediatric asthma and read and read as much as I could about it from trusted sources. And even though it was inconvenient at times, I made sure she took her controller medicine and gave her her rescue inhaler when she needed it. I have to say during her last doctor's visit, her doctor indicated that she has recovered a lot of her lung function and her lungs have improved since this time last year. So I encourage you to take your medicine, even if it appears as though your asthma is under control and you no longer need it-until you get confirmation from your doctor that it is no longer necessary. Cookie also decided after her diagnoses, that she wanted to participate in a walk-a-thon. We then went on a letter writing campaign to friends and family to raise donations. We even had a few lemonade stands this summer to help raise money. It is such an honor and privilege to partner with the American Lung Association to raise community awareness and funds to help Cookie and so many others like her fight lung disease one breath at a time.

12 years of marriage, forgiveness and mercy

Today was my 12th wedding anniversary. My 4 children made us breakfast in bed. The menu: Chocolate Milk, applesauce, waffles with strawberries and of course computer generated anniversary cards. With each special occasion that they surprise us with breakfast in bed, the meals get more and more edible. Downstairs on the kitchen table was a huge bouquet of sunflowers and lillies, all neatly arranged in a beautiful vase. At the foot of the vase was a tin box of chocolate candy and a heart felt card from Big D. We went to church later in the morning and then afterwards our awesome sitter came over. Big D and I prepared to go on our 6 hour date. We saw a play at the University's theatre, went to a Japanese restaurant afterwards, and then for desert at Starbucks.

The weeks before this precious day, my heart was reminded of so many great memories that my husband and I shared together as a couple and as a family. So much so that the not so perfect memories were constantly overshadowed. Big D and I met in 2003. From day one we were friends. My husband's heart has always been kind and thoughtful. When he makes me laugh, I bust out laughing- loudly. Those are some of the qualities I like about him, besides the fact that he's so darn cute!

We had an awesome honeymoon. We cruised the Carribean and later flew to St. Lucia for a few days- a land and sea vacation if you will. Over the last 12 years we have had 5 addresses, 3 pets (not including fish or hermit crabs), and 4 kids (all born during the Bush Administration might I add). Life has been nothing less than an adventure.

Some seasons have been filled with joy of new birth, some filled with the tasks of ironing out kinks in our friendship. Other seasons have been growth opportunities.

The life lessons that I have learned after 12 years of marriage is that the best gift you can give to each other is forgiveness and mercy. The best gift you can give your children is a great marriage. The best thing you can do for your sons is to respect their father; the best thing you can do for your daughters is to love their mother. Another best thing you can do for your children is to love on them and to swallow your pride and ask their forgiveness when you have wronged them-even in the times when you don't think you're in the wrong...whether they are 5 or 25. And that my friend, is where a lot of parents go wrong. Many say, "I tried my best" and for them it may be true, maybe they did try their best. As a parent, I try to be self aware and trust me I know what days I try my best and I know what days I don't. And for the record, this rant about parents, pride and forgiveness (hey that's a catchy phrase) is not art imitating life.

If there is ever a time to be set free from the bitterness, anger, and disappointments from childhood, adolescence and even adulthood, it is now. Holding on to those things will rob you from the relationship, companionship and fellowship that you desire with your spouse, your children and eventually your adult children and their spouses. That is not the legacy I want to leave. Sure I can point to many self help books and say, "Read this" or do this and your relationships will be straight. But I know, that all of those contemporary fixes are not long lasting. I can point to churches and seminars and podcasts and say, " If you go here, listen to this or attend this meeting, you will find peace". But I know in my heart, that tools are only good if you recognize them as tools, and use them and even so your strength will give out because often your battle is bigger than you are. So, I won't even steer you in that direction.

Yet instead, I'll point you in the direction of a book, that is considered outdated, and irrelevant and useless in many sects in our society, The Bible. Psalm 34:18 says, " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed". (New Living Translation). I can list a million things that break hearts and crush spirits but I will name only one and that would be....... people. And when we live life operating out of hurt because we have been crushed or broken, we then hurt and crush others, often inadvertently and then those actions affect even more "others" and so and so on. But, there is hope. The Lord that is close to the broken hearted is just waiting to hear from you, your side of the story, your heart ache. His arms are open wide just waiting to heal every broken part of you. He longs to heal your crushed spirit, if you let him. So why do I have many posts that point to God, Jesus, and the Bible? I found Him to be the Pennicilin that is denied in many countries and is considered hostile to many people in the country that I live in. Yet each time I try Him, things work out and the evidence refutes all the lies that are told about Him. And I can not stop proclaiming His Truth.

So what does hurts and baggage have to do with love and marraige? (Isn't that a song?)
Our last 12 years have not been about pretending to be perfect or even sacrificing family for a job that would ensure we would have the most prestigious cars and designer clothes. We have simply been two imperfect people who were and are still being transformed and molded by a perfect, loving and merciful God. We have been allowed to see the beauty of God's love and the ugliness of sin and its effects in our lives. We have and continue to see, that God the Father loves and freely gives mercy and grace to His Children and that He delights in us. We have been given an opportunity each day to choose life or death with our deeds and words. His love for us has given us the boldness to declare that His Word is true and true love comes directly from Him. May our next 12 years be filled with a deeper level of friendship, more belly laughs and the reality of His presence that produces true love. That being said, let me remind you God is not mad at you, He is mad about you!

What I learned over the course of a bunch of rainy days

1. Rain brings a certain kind of peace and tranquility to me.
2. Kids don't care about how many dishes are in the sink but, they take pride in setting the table.
3. It's okay to make cookies, first thing in the morning.
4. I love my children.
5. There are plenty of hugs to go around.
6. 2 pre-schoolers cutting paper together is a lesson in itself.
7. My Psychology Degree & Leadership Coaching Certification has never been wasted by staying at home with my four awesome kids. The return on my investment is immeasurable.
8. In an imperfect world, I know that I can trust in a Perfect Savior.
9. I wouldn't trade my profession for anything else in the world.
10. Nothing brings my 4 little people together like Milk & Brownies.

A new Year is underway

Today begins our second week of school. Even though it's a holiday, we are going to do geography, math, penmanship and reading. Then after that sometime in the course of the day, get wet, either at the beach or pool and call it a day. I guess I should fire up the grill, and bar-b-que, since it is labor day and all but, that would be me laboring, wouldn't it?

This year Noahkeem is starting preschool. All last year he kept saying, "I'm tired of school" and we hadn't even begun. This year now that his curriculum is official and I'm ready to add another pupil to our Academy, he keeps telling me, "I don't know how to do school". Oh, to be 4 again and to only worry about how to do school~ what a life!

Life Lesson2

God can bring His light into my darkness. He is ALL Mighty! Sometimes I forget that there is a reason why I am commanded to "renew my mind" and it is so easy to let any thought glide across my radar. Yet I'm reminded the things that seem to bind us, the mindsets that seem to hold me captive are not a life sentence because He- God is my very present help in time of trouble, just like His Word says.

Lessons

Here's a life lesson that most of us choose to ignore. "Tools are only good if you use them".

The summer can't be over yet!

We are gearing up for home school and I haven't even finished doing half the things I wanted to do this summer.. The list is too long to post so I'll skip it. Tomorrow all 4 of my chickadee's will be playing soccer. Yes, even 2 1/2 year old Dolly. The summer isn't all lost. I went on vacation to the Outerbanks for several days and enjoyed the calm beach with some of my most favorite people in the world- my kids. Cookie and Rocco body surfed for the first time and enjoyed it immensely! I had a ball standing in the ocean with a net fishing for what I thought were little sharks that kept coming ashore with the waves. To make a long story short, they were not sharks.. whatever they were I caught about 5 of them and Noahkeem belted out nervous laughter as he knocked the bucket over and all of the fishies waited lifelessly on the beach for the tide to come back in.

Highlights from 2 very rainy days

First I have to say, I am suppose to be on vacation but, I had to delay my plans because of rain and rearrange all kinds of arrangements. The last 2 days that were suppose to be spent in my travel destination was more of a staycation here in the area. Yesterday, Rainy day #1 We went to the movies to see Barnyard and found out that it was not playing and we saw Charlotte's Web instead. (My all time childhood favorite). 1 medium soda & medium popcorn was only $11.60! Stopped to the mall, rode the carousel, went to the gigantic play area, window shopped, ate at Johnny Rockets, made another stop afterwards then came home. The days outing was about 9 hours!

Rainy day #2, we went to the museum that has tons of hands on things to do and a planetarium to boot. We made it in the nick of time to an 11:30 show at the planetarium, walked/ran around to the exhibits, ate lunch in a very crowded cafe, then started on our way home. Notice I said started home. The trip to the museum usually takes 45 minutes but, I did not reach my town until 3 hours later. Why you might ask? Traffic, detours, & "short cuts" all of which was worth it when I was treated to a fish & chips dinner, complete with coleslaw, Texas toast, and corn on the cob steamed in butter. Full of cholesterol I'm sure but, oh so delish!

I should've known

I should've known that after a "heavy" or "challenging" post I would be tested to see if I walk what I talk. And trust me I am being tested. I do however, need to clear some things up about my last post:

1. I am in no wise saying don't talk about or share anything with a friend or relative about your plight.

2. God created us to be in relationship with one another. He clearly sees the benefit of having friends.

3. He wants to be #1 in our lives-since he knows us best and has created us.

4. My blog and posts are not the end all in what God says. No blog is. You have to search the scriptures, pray and hear God for yourself.

I never heard it that way before.

I became a christian when I was 12. From that point up until a couple days ago, I never heard any one convey that 1peter 5:7, "casting all my cares upon the Lord" included raw emotions. I have lived the years thinking and practicing casting my cares on the Lord as saying something like, "Lord I'm overwhelmed, please help me" or "This is bothering me, I need your help.. and I'm telling you this because your word says for me to cast my cares on you because you care for me". A couple of days ago while making the bed, I had the television on and Gregory Dickow was on. He's a televangelist that I never listen to but that day, I continued making the bed and kept him on. Something he said then made me stop and listen. He talked about how religious we have sounded or some have sounded over the years as they "casted their cares upon the Lord" They strategically choose words and pray them and sincerely believe that they are casting their cares on Him. He then talked about how God wants to hear about when I am angry or feel cheated or feel vengeful. He wants to know when we feel like ringing someones neck or screaming at the top of our lungs. He wants to know if we feel jealous or lustful or all of those feelings that we are too embarrassed or or ashamed to talk about because we have to give the appearance of being totally health individuals. God cares and is waiting to hear you vent about all of those raw emotions. He - Gregory Dickow went on to say how if you sit down or with the healthiest individual, and begin to converse with them you will soon realize they have hurts- past and present in their lives that are still their. They too have been wronged on purpose and inadvertently. They have harbored at one time or presently bitterness against someone, a boss, a parent a sibling a friend - some one. And at the end of the conversation, you would see that both people talking would be in tears and in repentance. Although some are and and some appear healthier than others, none are without hurt. The message went on to talk about how when we have issues, struggles or are angry the primary thing we tend to do is to vent to a friend. And even when we get it all out, although we may feel relief, we rarely have a complete sense of peace at the end of the conversation. That is where that verse steps in "Casting all your cares upon Him because he cares for you". I never heard in Sunday School -yet , that God is big enough and God enough for me to vent on Him. Yet He is. He wants us to vent on Him. He knew that we could not handle this life on our own and He wants us to stop pretending that we can. He wants to hear about those thoughts of anger, vengeance, depression, suicide, hate, bitterness, hurt, disappointment, and betrayal... He wants to hear it all. He is waiting for us to vent on him. If he thought we could handle it all, He would have never told us to cast all of our cares on Him, because he Cares for us. Not only is he committed to taking care of us, He is concerned about us. That's what he means when he says that he cares for us.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with sharing and getting things out with a friend. There is nothing wrong with talking with someone who has a great listening ear. There is however a refreshment and resurrection that is birthed in you when you begin to spill it all out before the Lord. A refreshment and resurrection that only God can give. A refreshment that you can't find in a self help book. You will eventually move from a place of woundedness to healing. Not because of some mystically prayer or words you say but, because He is true to his word. He cares for you , so why not let him do his job?

Have we casted our cares on Him today or cheated ourselves out of the freedom and refreshment that comes when we do by choosing to vent on someone else that can do absolutely nothing to free us from all that weighs us down, from all that tangles us up and from all that keeps us bound?

My little neck of the woods.

As you can see from this pic these ducks were trying to head into my back yard. Smart cookie that I am, I shut the gate before they got in. I did my errands came back and they were still there and they had an extra friend with them. Yet this time they were sitting around, just hanging out in my side yard. It made me smile. Lately, I've been thinking about friendships and being connected to a community. In the age of blackberries, online social networks, and texting, who has the time for snail mail? Allow me be the first to say nothing slows one person down and gives way to reflection as a piece of snail mail. The beauty of snail mail is that it is constant reminder that someone thought of you, dropped a line, bought a stamp, and cared enough to let you know that you were on their mind. Snail mail usually makes one smile. So why not pass that joy on? Who can we blessed today in a non-techie way?

Another Party!

Happy to report that my flat iron is here to stay-for now... We spent the day at the Ocean front with my 9 year old. It was the most no nonsense birthday party ever planned. Except for the part were I got to the top of the parking garage with my 4 kids and and the elevator was broken. 100+ stairs. Yet the sun & sand were there and my girl had an awesome time. And me? Easy clean up and smiles to go around.

Monday Monday

It rained today.. and once again my neighbor's tree fell over, onto my side and my gate. This same tree had a section fall last year into my yard. I'm going to suggest he just cut the whole thing down. The only drawback is that I will lose all of my shade when laying on the hammock if the tree goes.

Last Thursday was Cookies Birthday and it was great from beginning to end

Where are we today? Dinner is a little late and I had to put 3 people on lockdown for violating the house rules and will call them to the mess hall when the chow is ready. I have been looking through all of the useless "baby books" and am utterly convinced that several chapters were omitted. Trust me that was a joke. It didn't take long- scholar that I am, to realize that baby books were written with a Reese's Monkey in mind and my prodigies have never been book babies. What puts me over the edge today is that I know in Africa, Haiti and other countries and cultures, that families stick together and help one another so that no one is burdened by life.. They literally bare one another's burdens. Yet Americans are so isolated or self centered that we are too busy being busy to help one another or love one another. And that's the disadvantage of living far away from family. And if you think there is a lot of underlying sewage in this post-there is. I'll stop there though... I'll save my venting for my core workout.

On a happy note, My new lover is my flat iron. I used it today and if my "do "remains till tomorrow, I'll let her stay.

The blessings of having a 4 year old

Dolly had hiccups this morning and Noahkeem came into her room as I was dressing her and asked, "Ma does Dolly have hiccups?" And I said, "Yes." Later on today Noahkeem had the hiccups and he turned to me and said me, "Mommy, I think I caught Dolly's hiccups". I couldn't help but smile!

My Rival is back!

How could I forget to make my special announcement? My mother came down for Rocco& and Noahkeem's party last month and she brought me someone very special. A brand New servant. She's big and white and pretty much huge and oblong. Some one that would change my life forever. SHE BROUGHT ME A RIVAL CROCK POT! It felt like Christmas all over again. So far I have only made Chili in it. I'm bar-b-que Queen so, I have been grilling alot this summer. But my girl is large enough to feed my crew plus some stragglers. I'm determined not to get enslaved to just making soup, stews, and chili in it so, this weekend I'm going to scour recipe world and find out whats new and yummy for the crock pot that doesn't need to be eaten with a spoon. Well I'm off to plunge into the weekend. We have 1 t-ball game, 1 birthday party, church, and a live performance of Willy Wonka to enjoy. (Not to mention all the bumps and hiccups waiting to happen with a family of 6). ttfn. (ta ta for now).

What matters the most.

My world has been its usual busy self since my last blog. Parties are over until Cookie turns 9 in 19 more days. Which of course means we need to get invites out now! I have found myself swatting at the flylady more than flying with her. I'm behind on 1 special sewing project and a scrap booking project to boot. One of my goals for the summer is to have Dolly potty trained by the end of August and that is an interesting story in itself. One thing that has been consistent in my crazy life is that my little Noahkeem- who lately I have been calling "Noe" (pronounced No-eee), gives me so many hugs during the day. He either sees I need one or he just wants to give me one. No matter how busy I am, I never, ever, ever, pass up his huggies. Each time he hugs me, the busyness of that moment freezes around me and nothing else matters in the world except for the love I feel for this little boy. And as I close this day, and see the vision of Noe hugging me in the kitchen, all I can hear in my head is "you matter to God". Even though Noe didn't say it, that is what I hear, "you matter to God, and you matter to me". Tonight, I pray that you would have the strength to love the unlovable and find the courage to forgive the unforgivable and to realize that in all the chaos that surrounds us, you matter to God. You matter to God! Love hard, Hug often.

My little sonshine

10 days after Rocco's 2nd birthday, Noahkeem was born. He is my miracle baby.
Noah stopped growing in utero and I was induced this day 4 years ago-although he was full term. He was born 5 lbs, 11 oz. Because the birthday boy awaits, I'll have to quickly share my full testimony of my miraculous pain-free labor and delivery without an epidural . I first give credit to God, of course and the resource "Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize.

The jist is that you pray and prophesy over every single muscle and body part involved in childbirth and apply the scriptures over those parts of your body-everyday. I gave it a try even though some thought it was hokie and I can say I felt zero contractions during labor-to the point where the nurses kept showing me the monitor and pointing out my contractions that I was not feeling. This of course occurred with no drug intervention. I was exhausted and given a mild sedative to sleep and I woke up a little after 8 and felt the need to push. My lovely doctor wasn't there and I was advised not to push. When I finally did push I felt no pain, just pressure like something was coming out of me and at 8:33pm, Noahkeem was born.

He is such a wonderful son. He is also my most vocal boy. In one form or another, he will let me know how he is feeling. He is always giving me a hug or asking me, "Can I give you a hug?" then I can bet within the same course of the day, after that hug, he will tell me how mean I am.

Noahkeem has never failed to make me laugh or smile. Once he caught on what April fools jokes were, he has been on a mission to try to trick me, everyday. Stuff like, "Mom, there's a bug in your hair" or "Mom I spilled my drink" and then he follows it up with saying, "April Fools Joke!"

The highlight of these last four years besides his birth was, one day last year. I was sitting on his bed in the evening time, and I looked at him and said, "Noahkeem, you're a good boy." He turned around and looked at me with sincerity and said, "Mommy you're a good boy too!" and then he hugged me.

The other man in my life

6 years ago at 12:42am my little Rocco was born. I was so excited about this baby boy. So in love with this little boy! He was a good little baby that didn't cry much except when he was hungry. Eight weeks later he contracted meningitis. I remember the day when I rushed him to the hospital and being told he needed a spinal tap. My heart just broke that day. I stayed with him in the hospital for several days. He made a complete recovery without any residual complications. He grew so fast those following weeks. It was no surprise that he outgrew his infant carrier at 4 months, weighing 22 pounds! (exclusively breastfed might I add). My next door neighbor would say to me, "what are you feeding him? he's a king size baby!" 8 months later, I found myself tying his first pair of walking shoes. I watched in amazement as this little king sized baby walked all the way down to the playground unassisted. 4 years after that , I watched him ride his bike down the street for the first time-without training wheels and it brought tears to my eyes. I knew he would grow up but, not this soon. This year, he began to read and fall in love with math.

In the land of motherhood some days feel as though time just stands still but, when I turn around and see how much he has grown, I realize, that time has indeed flown by. Motherhood is by far the most challenging yet rewarding vocation that I know. What you don't learn in Home Ec. is that changing a diaper is just as important as closing a deal. You don't learn that hugs and kisses really do make a difference-So give plenty of them to those you love. You don't learn that every once in a while it's okay to eat breakfast at dinnertime. You certainly don't learn that there is a window that is given to you only once, where only you can make an impact on the child you have been blessed with-good or bad, whatever impressions you leave will become part of his story when he is grown. You determine what kind of chapter you will be in, in his story. You determine what kind of parental baggage or banner he will carry around his whole life or check before boarding his plane to "the real world".

As I navigate through mommyhood, hearts cry is: Lord help me to continue to love this little boy and parent him on purpose and not be on autopilot and when I am wrong help me not be so prideful that I can not say "I'm Sorry". And not so busy that I can't look into his eyes when he is talking to me. But most of all, may the fingerprints I leave all over his heart be filled with love.

What I am thankful for

The weekend is over and it was filled with a "good busy". As I type this I am compelled to share what I am thankful for.

• Friends who keep in touch
• Kettle Corn
• A little boy who gives me extra hugs through out the day
• A little boy who gives me high fives-on my shoulders
• A little girl who braids my hair
• A little girl that says "read me" and listens to the whole story
• A God who loves deep and is touch by everything that makes us laugh and makes us cry.

Meet Bissell, my new servant

Well there was a Bissell hiding in Big D's office- still in the box. Now I can finish my "job" making sure there is more stuff inside the vacuum cleaner than outside of it. But I will not introduce Bissell to the household yet because well, today is Friday and I don't vacuum on Friday unless it's absolutely necessary and today it is not absolutely necessary. However, it is necessary to pack the cooler, grab the sunscreen, and get sand stuck in between my toes and hear the waves crashing in ; all of which is made complete by that happy little phrase that summons my attention: "MOM, I GOT SAND IN MY EYE!"

Death in the Family

I have always tried to be a good steward of all the blessings that have come my way. Unfortunately, today as I vacuumed the playroom and made my way to the living room, the vacuum cleaner stopped. I saw that the plug was coming out of the socket. I finished taking it out of the socket only to discover one of the prongs was left in the socket. I killed my beloved Electrolux canister vacuum (Diamond Jubilee Series). I stood there in disbelief as this was given to me from my dear mother in law when I was first married (nearly 12 years ago) and she had it years before that -maybe even 30 years before that. Now I'm trying to figure out if I should get the cord replaced or buy a Swivel Sweeper. I will have to call it an early night and mourn over my loss and maul over my next critical decision.

More than Money

A dear homeschooling friend has been teaching Cookie French in her home since September. This has been a blessing to me & Cookie since she enjoys French sooo much. I have been searching for ways to "pay her" for teaching but she wouldn't accept money from me the entire school year. She had a yard sale last month and was selling tons of fabric. She showed me a piece of toile that she wanted curtains made out of for her bathroom- so of course I jumped right on it. It took me a couple days and voile! 1 pair of curtains made with love, with out a pattern, by my hands. I was so excited to give them to her and hang them for her that I probably could have been committed to the nearest psych ward. It still makes me smile when I see my "french tuition payment creation" hanging from her window. (although the window they are hanging from in the picture is in my playroom- I had to hang them in my house first to make sure they would look good in hers). It was like Christmas for the both of us.

Speaking of Casting Cares

How hard is it to cast your cares on the Lord when you want things fixed in a certain way and instantly? I guess it's as hard as trying to reconcile the fact that God is closer than we think He is and loves us more than we believe He does. The biggest fear is that God's response will be similar to those on earth and that is : "He won't come through for me".

I stopped making New Years resolutions years ago. I just set goals around my birthday, September and January. It's funny because some of these goals center around the "cares" I should be casting on Him. My latest stress has been obsessing about what history Curriculum to do and what Enrichment classes to enroll my 2 older children in . Older- that's a misnomer since they are going to be 9 and 6. Yesterday after our awesome field day with our Home school Group, the more I thought about curriculum and Education I realized that I'm over thinking it - to the point of worry. Worried classes will be full, worried that the schedule will not work with 1 preschooler and a baby who will be to 2 1/2 by September, worried about so much more than this blog will allot for. By evening time, I realized that It will be okay and that my summer doesn't have to be stressful and that my September will be put in place by September. But yet there is still lots of major concern there. Does a mother's mind ever stop racing?

I decided that I would cast my cares on Him and try with all that is within me to believe that He will come through and Be true to His Word.

.... He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions."Daniel 6:26-28. If He can do all of that, I'm sure my case is no problem.

I've been thinking alot about transparency

Transparency is a mysterious thing. I assume most of us in this world desire authentic relationships. Quite often when we do become "real" or transparent, the pendulum of friendship can swing from one extreme to the next or in many wild and unexpected directions. We live in a society were you are "honored" if you appear to be healthy and strong and seem to have it all together.

Unfortunately we then become trapped in a cycle of keeping up appearances while clearly dying or struggling and in desperate need of help or just simply friendship. But, you can't ask for any of those for fear of appearing weak. The aftermath of becoming transparent reveals several things about yourself and those you become transparent with:

• You gain a friend- they embrace you.
• Or You lose a friend- they treat you like a leper.
• You quickly see what kind of friend you want to be to others.
• You realize that all the love that is advertised among well meaning do gooders is not what its all cracked up to be.
• You realize quickly who has your back and who is in your corner.
• Your combined experience either cause you to run to the Cross or curse God.

I am so overwhelmed that the God of the universe knows that life can be all consuming and reminds us gently to "Cast all of our cares upon him- because he cares for us". He will give wisdom to any one who asks for it. And because life is what it is, good or bad- He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. It takes more energy to be fake and live under the pretense that life is perfect than, to run to Jesus and cry out to Him. He is there to help and is mighty to save. Why do you think he came? When will we realize He is more than just a Bible story?

I just can't help it.

We have now adopted yet another "family member" A Betta fish who I call Austin and the kids call Jimmy. I am determined to keep him alive. I did however lay down the ground rules and I guess the only rule that I needed to : NO ONE PICK UP THE FISH LIKE THE LAST ONE THAT DIED! I'll have to post pics soon of my little Austin a.k.a. Jimmy.

As of late I have been mourning again over the loss of my beloved crock pot that died from unnatural causes (the cord melted in between the ceramic insert and the unit it sits in). I have come to grips with the fact that I probably won't find another like it and will have to succumb to buying one that is digital. I just really miss throwing stuff together and turning the crock pot on and forgetting about it. Stuff like chili, beef stew, roasted chicken, roast beef, chicken soup etc. I never got a chance to make other yummy stuff in it because her death was so unexpected. I found myself at Barnes and Noble the other night looking at tons of crock pot recipes that went beyond soups and stews and all I could ask myself was, "Why? Why did my crock pot have to die and why hadn't I replaced her by now? " Nevertheless, I got hold of myself before I started to curl up in the fetal position and ball like a baby, and made a decision, "I will get a new crock pot that is built like a tank and she will do her job just like my dearly departed Rival and my house will once again permeate with the aromas of delicious meals that take hours to cook but are so effortless to create". Ladies and Gentlemen, I need to go crock pot shopping.

Its Memorial Day weekend?

I can't believe so much time has lapsed since my last post. I'll just list the highlights of my life this month to get everyone up to speed:

• We adopted yet another hermit crab yesterday who Rocco named "Adam"
• Today, I realized I had no hermit crab food and decided to give him dry oatmeal which he seems to like- alot.
• My lilac colored inpatients have tripled in size yet, I managed to kill the sunflowers, basil, and perennial mix that I started in doors, last month.
• Mother's Day was great.. Noahkeem bought me a fuscia colored mini dress from Target, Rocco bought me chocolate and Cookie presented me with an award from the local Ruritan Club. A certificate recognizing me as one of the areas "Supermoms" along with the essay she wrote that granted the award.
• Mom's night out has turned into Mom's Consecutive Nights out and has caused me to sleep late on several week days. (bad mommy)
• Dolly seems to be only napping in the car.
• Cookie is starting to cook more in the kitchen. This month she made Tacos and Cous Cous.
• I got into the zoo for free today-although I still had to pay for the kiddos.
• I'm sure there is more but it is late and the brain has shut down for the evening-hours ago.

When I grow up

This week Noahkeem and I were snuggling on the bed and I asked him that famous question we ask all little ones, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" He paused, tilted his head to the side and looked up and said, "An Adult!" I laughed so hard and he joined me too. He made my day. You can't get any better than that! "A merry heart does good, like a medicine..." Proverbs 17:21.

Protect me? Comfort me? Like a mother hen?

Once again it has been made clear that God longs to be in relationship with us and that he never stops pursuing us-although we continue to fill our lives with everything else but Him. We escape through TV, shopping, friends, sleeping, eating-not to mention other addictions. We even busy ourselves with church stuff thinking that would fill voids within us or confirm that we are committed to him. Does it really do that?

Matthew 23:37[ Jesus Laments over Jerusalem ] “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! Two parts of this verse that jump out at me are, "How often I wanted to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings..." and the second part "but, you were not willing". There is a tenderness God wants to show us and he wants to brood over us and protect us, love on us and comfort us. Yet the latter part of that verse makes me think: Have there been times that I shot both the message and the messenger and didn't want to hear or "receive" the warmth of the wings of the mother hen because it wasn't the right mother hen, the right time or it wasn't glamorous enough? It just wasn't the right package? Was I not willing?

You'll do what? Lead me? And Carry Me?

In the midst of life's craziness one thing is certain:God & His word. It sounds so churchy and religious but, it's true! The crazy thing about it is that you don't always feel Him. One of the biggest revelations that I have learned over the last 8 years, 9 months,and 2 days of motherhood (not including the 41 week gestational period of my first born) is that, Isaiah 40:10-12 says, He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young. That scripture doesn't evoke a picture shepherd who is impatient and yelling at the sheep because she is too slow, or disorganized or is late because she is trying to get her little lambs together. It tells me that the shepherd is tender to the sheep that is pregnant for the first or the millionth time. And he is all the more patient with the sheep that has many little lambs to take care of. He knows that it's a tough job-He has many lambs to take care of too.

No frills cell phone

I love how Dolly likes to show off her cell phone- or one of many of her mobile devices. The only thing this phone has going for it is that it's hot pink. It doesn't make any noise. The buttons don't go down when you press on them and there is some generic text message on the green paper screen. Despite the fact that it has no features, rest assured that Dolly will let the neighborhood know, by sheer volume of her voice that someone other than herself is handling her phone and she wants it back. That's my Dolly.

It bought me to tears

Today I was called to the computer to watch the video of the now famous Susan Boyle. Given the nature of the show she was on- and her age, I didn't know if she was "good". The audience was balking at her even before she sang and laughed even more when she compared herself to a character of Les Mis. Someone the audience probably never heard of. Out of this homely woman came a song that only she could sing with one of the most powerful, angelic voices I ever heard... No doubt more powerful in person. Yet my heart broke. So often we discredit those who are not as glamorous or not as rich or not as popular or socially graceful as ourselves. We write them off and look down on them without skipping a beat. We often do it so subtly that we hardly recognize that what we have done is blatantly prideful, disrespectful, ugly and wrong. But we don't feel bad about it because we believe in our hearts that we are just a little bit better than "they" are. And in the lyrics of DC Talk I say, "We all want to be loved, We all want just a little respect..... Tell me whats wrong with that?" Give a watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk

Why I do what I do... Part I

This is my favorite beach in Florida, Indian Rocks Beach. When I look at this picture, I feel peace and I feel that everything is alright in my world. Here is today's confession: I am a full time mom. My attention is not divided by a career and other hot pursuits that put my children and husband on the back burner. I know that there is a life lesson in every storm. I know that I have a heavenly who watches over me, walks beside me and gently guides me. I love the fact that when I struggle and cry out to Him, that He WILL answer me. I know that every seed that is being sown will eventually reap a harvest. I rest in the fact that the attitude I display while doing my work ( Diapers, Dishes, Spills, Blowing bubbles, dancing, Cooking, Cleaning and even answering the same question for the 100th time) is all an act of worship. I realize more and more how imperfect I am and how with every imperfection, God has an awesome opportunity to demonstrate his power through me to my husband, to my children, and to my friends. He works out of me those things that need to be worked out and works into me those things that I need the most.

Nothing in my life including my wonderful public education, complete with home ec and wood shop, never prepared me for what I am today. A lot of my mothering as been on the job training. Alot of my mothering has been watching others and doing the exact opposite. Alot of it has been praying for my unborn children-years in advance. Most of it is resting in the peace that God gives that I am on the right path by raising children who honor him. And resting in the fact that his word promisses to lead me into all truth- and that includes how to take care of all that I have been entrusted with.

Several years ago, I was at a party and an older woman asked me if I worked out side my home. I replied with a "What are you kidding me?" look on my face and then said, Yes, I take care of my children- out side of my home. I homeschool at home and outside my home. I Believe with all of my heart, despite what naysayers say that the college education you have or did not complete is Never wasted because you stay at home. I have a B.A. in Psychology, an A.A. of Arts, and a certification in Life Coaching and they are not wasted one moment as I work from home loving and caring for my family.

So whoever says you are throwing your degree away clearly only believes that you are only effective in this society, in this world if you are working 9-5, while someone else is raising your children and you are getting some kind of paycheck. Other than that you are useless.

Most people who disagree with your decision to homeschool feel intimidated by your audacity to believe that you are capable of teaching your own children- especially if you do not have a teaching degree.

Let me say that you have been homeschooling the day you brought your baby home. Teaching him the difference between night and day, teaching him to count, showing him his fingers and toes, teaching him his alphabet. Did you need a teaching degree to teach all of those things? You can cook for your family and if you can't you can read and follow a recipe, Did you need to go to Culinary Arts School for that? To the mothers and fathers who want to homeschool all I can say is that you already are. Take the next step.

In this fallen and broken world, I do what I do to grow well adjusted, Godfident, Children. And that's my occupation.

The Refridgerator Bandit

To protect the identity of the said innocent, I have posted a picture of a baby goat instead. There is a little girl no more than 2 that has been spotted hiding in the corner of the playroom and living room eating snacks that she has taken without permission. Last week I found this little person with a little box of pepperoni behind the chair in the living room. Her little mouth was greasy and when questioned about the incident, she denied even being at the crime scene (although the evidence was right next to her). Last night she sported a chai tea goatee. She got into Big D's chai tea and ate the powder mixture. This morning upon my arrive in the playroom there was a ball of cream cheese in the famous corner where the baby bandit takes her stash and secretly eats her loot. Of course I threw it out. Less than 3 hours later, I found shredded cheese in the same spot. The bandit blamed it on an older sibling. 1 hour prior to dinner, the bandit had a pound of cheese on the couch about to open it an eat it. I caught her red handed. I don't know when the bandit strikes because she is so discreet about it. But she leaves evidence behind that always points to her. Yet she manages to shrug her shoulders and purse her lips and sing out, "I'm Sowwy".

She's riding her tricycle

Dolly surprised us all yesterday when she started pedaling fast on her tricycle. She kept turning around checking to see if I was still holding on to the handle and pushing her. Little by little I let go and before I knew it, my little Dolly was all the way down the road. This is all happening too fast. What will she do next?

My Pi Pod.

In the age of technology children are becoming more computer/tech savvy. Last week Dolly was showing us her Pi Pod. Which in baby language means " I pod". When Cookie was little the coolest thing for a baby to have besides their favorite stuffed animal or doll was a toy phone. Now I am proud to say that my 2 year old carries around and plays her favorite song on her Pi Pod. As you can see from the picture, her ipod is an old musical box from her mobile that she graduated from.

It of course only plays one song and just knowing that she and mommy have a Pi Pod is good enough for her.

Advice concerning new moms

This is the truth:

• New moms need help-and usually they need more than just meals.
• New moms need lots of help over the first year of her new baby's life-even if its not her first baby.
• Pregnancy takes 10 months (40 weeks), It takes longer to get your pre-pregnancy body back.
• If/When your daughter/son has a baby, be helpful. That means be complimentary,cook, and clean...all done with a smile. She/he just bought your grandchild/children into the world-and that's a big deal.
• A new mom is usually very sensitive. Don't tell a her how much she doesn't look like her child/children -even if it is true.
• Cultivate a loving relationship with your children so that you will be welcomed when they begin their own family.
• Cultivating a relationship includes swallowing pride and saying I'm sorry-even though you felt as though you tried your best or even if you feel you have the right to be right..
• New moms need to hear the phrases: "I think you're a great mom", or even "Happy Mother's Day".
• You will parent differently than your parents, And your children will do things differently than you.
• Above all, never read into things. take things at face value. When in doubt ask, "What did you mean by that?"

Green isn't yucky

I can' take all the credit. I have to say that I was raised by parents who both cooked and were heavy on the vegetables. More than half of my fathers diet comprised of fruits and veggies and we ate veggies with 99% of our meals. My mother never made 2 or 3 different meals to appease the tastebuds of her 3 girls. We just ate what was in front of us. We never asked for an alternative and never was offered one. I now see how 2 & 3 different meals causes chaos in the house and kids who expect it where ever they go. With 4 kids in my life and all the craziness that comes with that, I just don't invite meal chaos. (Although and occasional scoop of icecream with waffles at breakfast time doesn't hurt).

I usually make 1 meal in our house with a tiny bit of wiggle room. After being on solids for over 3 years, Saturday night we celebrated Noahkeem eating his first spinach salad-loaded down with ranch dressing of course. Sunday he ate another salad. I heard words echoing in the kitchen like "good" and "yummy". And they were all coming from my Noahkeem. The next day after church, Noahkeem helped make the salad. Which we all ate before dinner/supper/lunch was served. Last night-Monday he said in an Eeyore kind of voice, "Okay... I'll try the corn". As he chewed his corn, you could see that he was in terrible distress. (Distress being that corn did not rank on his list of yummy foods) He chewed and swallowed anyway and then the coughing started- no vomit though. Lots of coughing and then he simply stated, "Mommy, I don't like corn". Which was fine with me. This is coming from a little boy who is in love with chicken-any style, and had digestive issues a little over a year ago. So to all the moms out their who make one meal, keep persevering.. eventually they will try things that are green or look yucky.

This is what He keeps telling me- over and over again

In the midst of what has been going on in the motherhood these are my latest adventures:

• Noahkeem finally ate his first spinach salad and had another today (an answer to prayer)
• Dolly ate a cucumber yesterday and managed to use the most band-aids this week
• Rocco is loving his school time. His eyes light up and his face beams with joy-most of the time. (another answer to prayer)
• Cookie is secretly planning all kinds of surprises for my upcoming 9th anniversary of my 27th birthday.
• I managed to clear my front beds of weeds in less than an hour and nearly filled what seemed to be a 33 gallon lawn bag.
• We planted seeds to grow indoors and they are actually thriving in the kitchen window quite nicely. (Zinnias, and 4 clementine seeds-Cookies idea)
• Most importantly, It still blows my mind that as imperfect as I am that the God of the universe keeps declaring His love for me. And this my friends is what He keeps telling me:

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”Zephaniah 3:16-18. Did you ever stop to consider that God Almighty is in heaven, singing love songs over you? So this is what He keeps telling me. He love's us, Oh how he loves us! Imperfect, Loud, obnoxious, bitter, loving, unforgiving, happy, sad, sick, healthy, bound or free- whatever state we are in does not change His love for us and He is the only one that can fill that hollowness, that longing, that hunger -that void that we feel in our hearts. There's no magic formula, there's no secret, there's no special 7 step plan that will lead you to the path of fullfillment or contentment. Everything this world has to offer is so temporary. Salvation, peace of mind, redemption, forgiveness, ressurection, reconcilation and healing are only things that Father God can give. And if it is coming from Him, then you can believe it is everlasting. I used to think going to church and being good and doing good would make me a great person, I found out-that is not the way, (Isaiah 64:6). You can't earn salvation by doing good things. You may gain influence and acceptance from the world but, you can't work your way into a right relationship with the one who created you. You can't live a "good" life in order to fulfill you when Jesus already gave His life for you. God declares that He has loved you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). Yet we question Him constantly. If you love me why is this or that happening to me? Why is there so much suffering? Why do people get killed? Why aren't people getting healed? Why is there so much injustice in the world? Why? Why? Why? This is what I know: God has used Many- and I mean many situations in my life to grab my attention so that my heart is turned toward Him so that He can demonstrate His love and ressurection power in my life. His power to heal, forgive, set free, restore, and strengthen. So that is the answer to why in many cases-( I can not answer for all cases). Being a mother, wife, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, and a friend coupled with all of the drama those roles can entail has driven me to my knees so many times to cry out before the Lord and to search Word to get the answers to the questions that life throws at me. And God has remained faithful. He always gives answers, ideas, creativity, strength, discernment and causes me to trust Him so that he can show me and others around me that He is sovereign and He knows what he is doing. He manages to show that He is not some far off angry being in the sky who is mad at me and ready to crush me for my sins. I often tell myself and those I love that GOD IS NOT MAD AT YOU -HE IS MAD ABOUT YOU. So my confession for the evening is found in: Romans 10:9 (New International Version)
'"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved". One simple prayer of acknowledging who you are, and what you are not, and the sin that seperates you from God, and asking for His mercy and asking for His Love and His Power to become real in your life like you have never known before.... that's all it takes. He will lead you and guide you on the narrow road that leads to true fulfillment. He's the Father you have been waiting for.

Kim Walker sings an awesome rendition of "How He Loves Us. Please click the link and give a listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Chores, Chores, and more Chores.

First I have to say, I can't stand the word "Chores". I guess because my father ran it in the ground when I was growing up. He would always ask if I did my "chores". I got a whopping $2.00 for cleaning 1/2 the house! In my eyes it wasn't nearly enough for a girl who liked to go rollerskating every Friday and it cost at least $3.00 to get in and $2.00 for the skate rental.

Now that I am a grown up, no one asks if I did my chores, they just notice when I don't. With 4 children and homeschooling to boot, I wouldn't dare try to do all the chores at one time. Although I do have a 1 hour home blessing hour that I do courtesy of http://flylady.com. More often than not my chores are divided by days , each day has an assigned chore, even though there are some things that are done every day i.e. trash, kitchen floor, dishes. But as life would have it after I moped the kitchen floor twice in the last seven days, the spills kept running like Niagara falls. Today we had an avalanche of milk in the a.m. followed by a downpour of apple juice in the p.m. In my brain I ask myself, "Didn't you just mop this floor?" But my mouth says, "you have to be more careful next time... get some paper towels and wipe up were it's wet." as if that calm little statement will prevent the next "accidental spill". Thursday is usually bathroom day where I thoroughly clean all the bathrooms and get my boys to tame the toilet with the magic of the all powerful toilet brush. This is there favorite job. But by the time the weekend is over or sometimes by the time Thursday night rolls around, I find a sad, sopping wet pair of underwear on the floor drowning in a little yellow pond. And finally somewhere between bath time and bedtime kisses a little 3 year old confesses that he had an accident on the floor. Now why didn't I notice this accident earlier you might wonder. It's because I don't usually come back upstairs during the course of the day unless I'm taking my 1:00pm union break after I put Dolly down for her nap and toss her dirty duds into the diaper pail- which is located in the infamous bathroom.

So tomorrow, I will do my chores again and thank God at the end of the day for kids who function normally and can go to the bathroom on their own, and for children that have hands that can grasp cups and spill the contents at the same time and for a house that has both a kitchen and bathroom to do all of this in.

"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

I need you Jesus.

Rescue by Eddie James is my hearts sentiment today. The bottom line is that Jesus is the bottom line. So click on the You tube link above and realize no matter how much we try to fill ourselves with anything but Jesus, our souls are desperate for Him -at least mine is.

Octumom

First of all, I can't stand the name the now famous mom of 8 has been dubbed. It intentionally makes her sound like some kind of monster. I have been thinking a lot about her and her children. There are so many questions that we have about this woman and how she will raise all of these children.

• How will she support them?
• What about their medical needs?
• What about their living arrangement?
• What about the other 6 kids she already has?
• Who is going to be a positive male role model for them?
• How will she feed them all?

It's been so easy to pass judgement on this lady. I have been guilty of it myself. But at the end of the day, I have to ask, what makes me think or what makes you think that because she has 14 children, some of which have medical problems, she will fail at being a mother? If she had money for invitro, doesn't that indicate that she has some dinero somewhere? Just maybe? How do we know that she does not have a plan or is making a plan when she is tenderly looking at her babies? I can't say I have seen any interviews with this woman. I have only witnessed the entertainment expose type hype on her. (As if I we can believe everything we hear in the media).

You know what just makes me laugh? When I hear about and see the Angelina Jolie resemblance and hear talk about how she's a crazed fan and wants to be just like her. Tell me how many of us have looked at a celebrity, got hooked on their sense of fashion and then purchase items similar to theirs to add to our wardrobe? But I guess you say that, you haven't gone as far as getting plastic surgery. Well then, how many times do you continue to emulate celebs and non celebs by constantly trying the latest diet to get trim or stay trim to be accepted?

What I should be asking is who in this world hasn't done something a little crazy to meet some unmet love need in our lives? Some people drink or are closet alcoholics. Some are addicted to shopping, some eat, some are promiscuous. Some meet that unmet love need by trying to live through their kids, making decisions for their kids, thinking for their kids, over scheduling their kids all in the name of unmet love. All hearts are hungry. And for those that could care less about God and think God is for the wackos of the world, they constantly go through life trying to meet this need for love. Jumping from one relationship to the next, buying just one more thing to make themselves happy, giving to one more good cause to make themselves feel good and convince themselves that they are a good person. If we pull back the curtain on our lives and tear down the facades, isn't their something all of us have been involved in that will reveal a hungry heart? Aren't there things we are still doing to fill that empty void?

This woman, this love hungry mom of 8 should be -in the words of an old cliche', "pitied not scorned". But, the poor children. What about the poor children? Lets be real, if we feel soooooooo sorry for her kids, we need to go down to Babies R' Us and fill our carts to the brim with things that she will obviously need and send them to her. If we think all of the children will be sooooooooooooooooo hungry, find out what grocery stores are in her area, and buy them a gift certificate. And we all know how tight it's going to be in that little house with all of those children, why don't we set up a fund for their family so that they can purchase a bigger home? In our slumping economy I'm sure, we can help her find a great deal on a suitable home. Oh but wait, that would be the selfless, philanthropic thing to do to an undeserving delusional single mother of 14 kids. We really don't feel sorry for her or her kids otherwise, why aren't we motivated to help her? I think we are all guilty of blasting people for making choices that in our eyes are stupid choices. I think we enjoy blasting people who do dumb things because we feel we are so much better than they are. And we are so convinced of that . Sadly in America, it makes us sleep better at night knowing that we are better than the next man or woman. That's often our sick measuring stick of self worth, whether we care to admit it or not. When in reality, we are just as if not more, hungry. Hungry for love.

Everything that was normal

I had to take a break from the blogsphere. Its been many days since my last confession. So here is my confession:

- God is in the sunshine that warms me on a cold day
-God is in they eyes of a little boy that asks, "Can I give you a hug?"
-God doesn't care if I haven't prayed for 3 hours before the sun rises
-Geckos are more afraid of me than I am of them
-I'm always learning something even though I'm not in school
-Good Friends are hard to find
-When you find a good friend, cherish them
-No one has it all together all at the same time-although it looks like it
-Chocolate will always be my #1 source for calcium
-I am still pro life
- I will always commit to honoring and praying for my President-no matter what his beliefs are
-I eat my kids valentines day candy when they are not looking
-Most contemporary Christian music requires too much decifering of lyrics to find out the message so I have chosen more often than not nowadays not to listen.
-I miss my mother today more than I did on the first day of kindergarten

My Rocco Roo

It was an awesome Saturday! Rocco scored 2 points for his basketball team for the first time! He put his fists in the air and said, "Yes". It was classic! Not only that, He was the only one in the house who rooted for the Steelers. Guess who won?

America- This is your president

Its been a long time since my last blog. Life happens and I can't make any apologies. And since life keeps happening, I cant say when my next post will be-so keep checking back.

Updates:
Rocco started basketball and each time I look at his face, he makes me smile. Most of my joy nowadays comes from my kids. Recently at bedtime, Noahkeem and I was sitting on his bed and he was telling me how proud he was of me. He looked at me and said "Mommy, You're a good boy!" That meant the world to me.

Speaking of the World, we now have a new president. I am proud to say that I was part of this historical day! I never thought it would come but yet am amazed it is here- An African American in the White House. Of course I had the television on allllllll day yesterday until it was time to leave for basketball and dance. Since this is my blog, I'll take the liberty of saying that I really don't care what so many naysayers have to spew about Barack Obama and what a poor president he will be. Usually these people do nothing in the political arena except for gab and if they hold a political office , they never ventured to run for the office of President. So I say, Who do you think you are? What makes you so great? What gives you the authority to spend more time in criticism of your President than energy in creating the change you want to see? President Bush was not God! Neither is President Obama. With all the negativity in our country one less voice condemning the country and its new commander and chief would be a breath of fresh air for some of us. Unfortunately most people think freedom of speech means "I'm free to say what I want".... I'm not even gonna comment on that, that's a whole other blog in itself.

I have not known one perfect president in history and if America was so set on having another Republican in office, then they should have supported John McCain like crazy and busted their butts and gave money to the Republican campaign. They should have been campaigning like the country depended on it. But did they? Or did they just talk about how great he will be as President?

And by the way.... If you haven't notice from my profile pic, I am a woman of color and I am ecstatic, that a man of color is in the White House! I am absolutely overwhelmed with joy and pride! I thought Beyonce's performance at the Neighborhood ball was absolutely tremendous! So please don't spew your hate message to me. Check the Word of God and see for yourself what it says about praying for the leaders of your country. Don't make yourself an authority on who God can and can't use! All throughout the Bible God used the most unlikely of people. Furthermore, lest you lead your children down a path of prejudice or racism, curb your tongue when your talking about your new President, Barack Obama. Because you are so passionate, they may begin to think that its not just his politics you hate but the color of his skin. You may inadvertently deliver the message that you don't care for a Black in the White House. Needless to say, I am fed up. Especially with "Christians" who supposedly love everyone who make it clear that President Obama is the Anti Christ. If you think you can do a better job, then by all means you have 4 years to build your campaign and I will see you at the poles.