It's up to you

I thank God for the opportunity to receive His Son as my Savior many years ago-Before I had kids. Now, I need Him more than ever.

But the more I try to walk this walk, I realize, No one is going to care more about you than you. No one is going to love your children more than you-ideally. It's up to you to surround yourself with every God breathed, God ordained resource to help you fulfill your call on your life as a Mother. Sometimes that means letting go of a lot of "good things" for God things. Letting go of toxic people, toxic entertainment and toxic food - all of which will kill your mind, body, and spirit.

If you don't care for you, who will? (And yes I know God loves, and cares for us-But there are certain choices and avenues that only you with God can take in order to be free and who you were designed to be. And that my friend is a life long process).

Another Day in the Land of Mommyhood

Our Days are sometimes filled with all the phrases that we can't get away from:

-Don't do that
-Don't say that
-Come here
-Come back
-Jesus, please help me!
-Don't hit
-Don't call names
-Listen and obey!
-STOP YELLING!!!!
-The baby is sleeping
-Leave him alone
-Leave her alone
-Sit down
-Give that back
-Go outside
-Go play
-No TV right now
-We will not have candy for breakfast
- Don't poop in those big boy pants
- Don't throw the ball in the house
-I Love you
-Goodnight

And then we get back up the next day and do it all over again.

Cookie turned 8 yesterday!

Well the home made pinata did not get made and Cookie still had a great birthday.

The Ice Cream birthday cake was definately home made.

What we did:

-Took the ferry to the children's museum

-Played at the children's museum

-Took the ferry back to the car

-Went to Cracker Barrel

-Got a Webkinz at Cracker Barrel

-Went to the Mall

-Got Cookies ears pierced

-Got stuck at the mall due to the thunderstorm

-came home

-had homemade ice cream cake (Strawberry layer/oreo cookie layer-crushed by hand/chocolate layer).

-opened last 2 gifts

-made home made mac and cheese

-heated up those lovely little pizza rolls

-made a salad that no one ate except for Big D

-cleaned kitchen

-laughed

-gave boys and Dolly a bath

-Helped Cookie with shower

****Crashed in Bed with the lovely blue glow of the television for company.

One of the memories that I shared with Cookie yesterday was that very late at night (around 1:00am ) 8 years ago. I had to go to the potty and a nurse asked if I wanted her to take Cookie for a little while (She was the head nurse on the floor -and very young to have such a position). So after I went to the potty I realized I gave this "nurse" my baby what if she kidnaps her? SO I peeked my head out of the door and waddled down to the hallway to find the nurse with Cookie over her shoulder and the staff all sitting around in a staff meeting at the nurses station. It was the cutest scene to see this itty bitty baby, a whole 6 lbs in her first staff meeting. I then got her and went back down the hall---I don't remember what happened next. One thing I do know is that I have spent the last 8 years searching for the baby manual on how to take care of Cookie and realized that the hospital forgot to give it to me and I have been resorting to the Bible ever since.

I love my little Cookie --all 8 years of her!

Everything changes

Well Cookie is almost 8...which totally dates me. But, I am excited. She wants to get her ears pierced and get a new Webkinz and eat at Cracker Barrel for lunch. She also wants a ice cream cake and little chocolate cupcakes. I don't know if we will do the pinata or not , although I still have candy and treats left from the last time that we can put in there. Better yet lets just spend the next couple days making a Pinata.

I decided to do Fly Lady. I was following my cleaning schedule faithfully until Dolly was born-17 months ago. LOL. It is so heartbreaking to hear how homeschoolers have a reputation for having sloppy houses. Why do we? Especially if we all have about 50 children on average, can't we train them and ourselves to put stuff away, throw stuff out, and clean up messes? My house doesn't look like a hotel and it proudly boasts that kids live here but the books and toys and blocks are growing out of the rug in a lot of the rooms and its a monster that has to be tamed. Yes, my cup runneth over! But you know God always seems to bless me when I give stuff away. So, If I give away tons more, Tons more is bound to come my way. But, if I stop giving, I'll still be stuck with stuff that I want to give away. Is selling my next step?

The next day

We made it through the math portion of the test. Woo hoo. But, Cookie rushed to get done to watch TV... Wrong move. I told her not to worry about the TV and the show she wanted to see will be on later in the afternoon. I don't even feel like talking about it.

I cleaned out Rocco & Noahkeems closet and found several pounds of boys clothes size 12months-4years that they will not be using again. Dolly's closet and Cookies closets seem to be under control. Yet there is still too much stuff, clothes, books, and toys. I would love to sell a bunch of the stuff but its so much easier to just give it away and get it out of my house. Email me if you want some stuff. Now I'm complaining.

Hungry bellies await. I must go fix lunch for all of the residents.

Today

I Love taking animal Pictures. This one is from the zoo. I was leaing over the fence and took it of a goat that was deep in thought in the summer heat.

Well we completed Part I of our standardized test ....Well Cookie's test. Tomorrow we tackle the math section and then I told the kiderinos that if it was nice I would lug everyone to the beach.. No I did not use the word lug. Or maybe we will go to the pool.

Over the weekend, I was talking with someone about how it is so key to refresh yourself as a mom to many. And how it is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of the day and look around at the end of the day and realize that you had no prayer time, no bible time, no quiet time. The reality of this life (with many) is that you can not give out of an old empty dried up well. Because what will come forth will be dank dark and cold and the least bit refreshing or life giving to the little people around you. And when you have so many responsibilities and peoples needs to meet---please don't make me run down a list-- Bible Reading, Meditating, and Prayer is not something that you are suppose to do in order to be a Good Little Christian. You need the Word, You need to meditate on it and You need Prayer. You really begin to need those things. And when you don't incorporate them in your day or morning or in your life the fruit you bear reflects it. Especially the fruit of your lips... Trust me I know. And my fruit isn't always pretty.

No one is going to shake us up and say, "Read the Word, Pray, Focus on God".. Well maybe someone will but, my point is , is that we, Me, You, and any one else in between can't wait to be prodded to fall in love with Jesus. Sometimes there is such a thirst- a dehydration and the well is right there but, we are too busy to drink, to tired to drink, to lazy to drink. Some times I just want someone to bring the water and the answers to me but, God doesn't always work like that. He designed us so intricately that He has told us that if we seek Him, we would find Him, Knock and the door would be opened. I am just taking inventory of all of the unnecessary things that serve as "busyness or a distraction" . Busyness and distraction are tools that are used to separate us from the God who so desperately loves us and is jealous for us.

I was never one to make new years resolutions and my new year always started in September with the new school year anyway. But, the God of second chances to the infinite degree has made it so we don't need to wait till tomorrow to begin loving Him today. I know in my Heart that we spend the most time with the things we love the most. Are we cheating on Him and expecting supernatural strength and wisdom and millions of blessings? Yet what blows my mind is that God is slow to anger and full of mercy ! So unlike our earthy relationships at times. How awesome is that? We kick God to the curb, because we don't have time for him and then when we do have the time he is still there with his arms out stretched!

My prayer tonight is that anything in my life that has been built up as an idol be revealed and or knocked down. Everything seeking to seduce me in the opposite direction of my savior would loose its power. And those things be revealed that I may freely walk away and choose Christ anew each day. That everything that is not profitable for my soul, be let go. That I would Choose the lover of my soul before I get sucked in to the deception of busyness=productivity. Let my good busy be pleasing to the Lord and show me how to create balance with Family and Friends as not to make either one an idol.

From Everlasting to Everlasting you are God!

My Solo Saturday

3 major activites today and everyone escapes without bumps or bruises

Get up
Fix breakfast
Get kids ready for day
Say bye to hubby-he has to go to work all day into the wee hours of night
Drop Kid #1 off to the Y
Take kid#2 to t-ball, along with kids 3 &4
Go back to Y after Tball
Put kids 2,3, &4 into child care
Get coffee at Y look at a magazine
Peak into kid #1's Karate class twice
Get kid #1
Pick kids 2,3, &4 form child care
Go to snack machine
Go home
fix lunch
Pack beach stuff for party at the beach for 2pm
Go to grocery store for h2o, balloon and a few other things
Go back to house -forgot something
Get on highway
Follow directions
missed turned
called host
found way to right beach at 2:40 or so
stayed at the beach til about 6:00
Left
came home
hosed down sandy kids 3 &4
fixed left overs
Kids 3&4 run around and play
kids 1&2 play somewhere in house quietly
check favorite blogs
take kids upstairs
rinse off kid #4 again
let kids 1&2 have a sleep over in kid #1s room
snuggle with kid #3
get kid #4 who is screaming in crib
break up disastrous sleep over
put kid #4 back in crib
tuck kid #2 in
Lay in bed with kid #3
kiss kid #3 good night----which reminds me I didn't kiss kid #2 good night
tell kid #1 its lights out
kiss kid #1 goodnight
get wet sandy carseat cover off of kid #3s car seat-bring inside house
go back upstairs clean up carseat-hang it up
go back downstairs reload dishwasher, wash few left in sink
put new trash bag in garbage can
wipe down counters and high chair
head up stairs
check favorite blogs again
go to log out
go to my site and blog
and then suddenly realize, There is a mountain of clothes forming on my side of the room in need of folding that will have to wait for the early am hours when I am well rested and energetic enough to fold them.

And that is the abbreviated version.

And as night falls on the most beautiful state in the union, I must say, I love my kids, my sand filled van and the beach bag that sits so prominently in the kitchen.

And the clothes unfolded only serve to remind me that we chose to make memories today.

"Mommy can't we just call the store?"

As we got in the New York bus (our mini van) to go to Karate I notice that we left the milk in the car after grocery shopping. 3 1/2 hours in the car. Hot Milk... Yum! So after I said, "Oh no the milk is spoiled we left in the car!" Cookie asked me if we could just call the store. She thought that we could call them and tell them what happened and they would give us 2 new cartons. LOL. So I ended up pouring the milk down the drain and went on to the Y. I actually went to beginners Pilates which I haven't been to in about 2 years and I thought that I was going to pass out. People assume because you are slim that you are in shape. My hamstrings hurt. My neck hurt and my legs felt heavy and it was hard to breathe. And yes I felt like the tired little calf in the picture above. It was so enjoyable I'm going to go back next week.

But then I realized

Here is the light bulb moment. I am sure I have said it before. No self help book, manual, seminar is going to change you. You can read and read and bounce from one seminar or retreat to another but the only thing that will change a heart is the redeeming power and supernatural power of God. It is so much easier to pick up a book than the Bible or to get on the phone rather get on my knees. Somehow we think we can change things in our own power. Yet, I know in my heart it's only God that redeems, restores, delivers and gives second, third, fourth and fifth chances. David, in the Bible did not have a therapist when he was depressed or caught up in adultery. Reading the Psalms i'ts clear that he cried out to God. He just cried out. And God stil considered him a man after His own heart.

I am not done with this walk of Forgiveness yet. I must learn to forgive my imperfections and not to wallow in self pity. But what conversation do you have with your self when you need to forgive yourself? Do you say, "Self?"

and answer "Yes self."

then reply "would you please forgive me?"

and then say, "Yes, I forgive my self"?

The cry of my heart is still mercy. None of us will reach 100% perfection otherwise there will be no need for a Savior and definitely no need for us to be here. I am convinced that God has orchestrated our lives in such a way that he gives us ample opportunity to reach out and cry out to Him. He is so just that he gave us the choice to run to him or run away from him. Which will we choose today?

Making a deposit at my local friendly bank

Dolly went to her first fire works display on the 3rd-because my town does fireworks on the 3rd and a parade and craft fair on the 4th. I was surprised that she wasn't scared since she doesn't like loud motors I assumed she definitely wouldn't like fireworks.

I brought the crew to the bank on Wednesday for a deposit. We had to go inside this time. LOL. I'm not crazy about this particular branch but, it's close to home. So we go in and here I am with my mega double stroller trying not to bang into anything. The kids race over to the fish tank to look at the fish. There is all but 1 smiling face in the whole branch. So Cookie picks up Noahkeem to see the fish and I think his foot hit the stand and some shirt said, "AH, No banging on the glass please". So in my annoyed mom voice I told the kids to come over by the stroller. (I was more annoyed that this guy wasn't doing his paperwork and more concerned with kids by the 100+ gallon tank-which was impossible to break even if we all banged on it). Then the kids looked up at the flat screen monitors and said" Look, I'm on TV!" "Look Mom, You're on TV!" Every time I looked my head was in a different direction (there were 3 surveillance cameras). The woman behind the counter was still processing our deposits and all of the other tellers had blank looks on their faces as if they had never seen children before- it was the oddest thing. Rocco was really into being on TV. So he kept moving back to see himself and he was moving from side to side laughing and smiling. And all of a sudden I busted out laughing too! And I couldn't stop! I was laughing so hard I was doubled over holding my sides. Then I told them what camera to look at so they can be on TV again. And we were all laughing. In the midst of this roar of laughter, the teller completed our transaction. And at the same time, Rocco backed up and knocked over a tripod that had a poster board advertisement on it. And I busted out laughing again and as I went over to him to help him up and pick up the display, Fish Patrol came over and said- "It's okay, I got it , I got it". I was no helped because even as the man was trying to help, I couldn't stop laughing. I went and got the stroller and said, "Goodbye everyone" to the tellers and people at their desks and told the kids to say good bye. They didn't stop saying goodbye until we closed the doors behind us. That was the best belly laugh I had in a long time and it was worth every minute of it! Should we go back next Wednesday just for fun?

It's almost Christmas and I'm not perfect yet.

Is it me or has anyone else noticed that Christmas is 6 months away? Rocco reminded me last night that he can't wait for Christmas... "I like getting presents". Why should Christmas as comercialized as it is be about anything but presents? Sure we bake Jesus a birthday cake and put on our own nativity play but, how does any one keep the focus off presents? I am really trying to enjoy the Christmas season but, it's so filled with hoopla and self inflicted pressure or outside pressure to give gifts to people and mail out cards and be nice and cheery often to people who you don't even have contact with (for whatever reason )the rest of the year.



Sad to say my 2007 Christmas Cards are here, still on my desk. I think I will mail them out this month and not even bother doing a Christmas card this Christmas. Health issues amongst other things prevented me from mailing them in the first place. But I'm Supermom. I was suppose to be able to do it all. You know one thing about motherhood that I have learned these last 8 years? No one notices if you do everything but, everyone notices if it isn't done. I am trying not to be "weary in well doing" I am just ready to reap.

So in all of this venting, It's time to repost Invisible Mom.

INVISIBLE MOM by Nicole Johnson

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible; “The Invisible Mom.”Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?” I’m a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?” I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.”I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, and she’s gone!One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, “I brought you this.” It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: “To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”In the days ahead I would read - no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.” And the workman replied, “Because God sees.”I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, “you’re gonna love it there.”As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women. Great Job, MOM!