Christmas

I love living in a beach town... even though its incredibly huge with about 13 zip codes...go figure.  I won't get into a rant about city planning.. I'll just shake my head and pretend it doesn't take me 20 minutes without traffic to drive to the beach.   I'm in a beach kind of mood but, my to do list is a little too long to disappear in the sand. Besides, its raining.

Hard to believe that Christmas is 2 days away. We have been having incredible spring like weather and I've been loving it.

My room has become a no access zone in fear that several little detectives disguised as my kids will go investigating and stumble upon some wrapped boxes with their names on them.  I have to pick up a couple more goodies for Cookie and then I'm done, with shopping that is.

Besides finishing organizing cleaning the house for Christmas,   my project for today is to figure out where the  cookie cutters are hiding. They are pretty special. I've been using them since I was about 3 and they are all metal. There's only but a few places where they could be.  Let's hope I find them before Christmas Eve.

 I'm super excited about baking several dozen in our new place. 

I hope 5 or 6 dozen will be enough.

The update

Its hard to believe the last time I blogged here was 6 months ago.  Trust me when I say I have had plenty of material to write about but, life would not allow me to blog about every detail of the last several months.

As I looked at a few previous posts, its no secret that I am not the same person anymore. (Nor should I be).

Since my last post, me and the little people moved to a place of our own, I survived working summer school, I accepted my new assignment in a different classroom this school year under an amazing teacher, I've remained a pescatarian, and have continued on my journey of health and healing.

I  took the VCLA and got a 522, took the Praxis2 and missed by 7 points. Which is pretty good given that Ive been out of school for nearly 18 years.  I'm still processing through that.

I became a gladiator (huge scandal fan)/Kerri Washington fan but, I don't know if I'll "turn up" next season.

I'm now an instagramer so that I can keep an eye on Cookie, I tweeted recently for the first time in a long time, and of course I have a few boards on Pinterest (a wonderful waste of time).

I have fallen in love with Plato's Closet but, refuse to buy anymore clothes or shoes since I am juicing and salading ( I know salading is not a word).

 The Christmas tree is decorated in rainbow colored lights for the first time in 16 years. I'm still getting used to it.  I usually have white lights.

I broke down and got a beta fish. He's red.  His name is Oliver. (Named after Olivia Pope of course).

Despite the struggle and the hustle, I have found a strength in me that I had no idea existed so I guess that makes me Superwoman.

I have been amazed time after time how God has shown up and has provided and filled my needs.  I have been amazed how God has been incredibly patient with me as I run, walk, stumble, fall, sprint, and crawl.

Lastly, I've gain a deeper appreciation for farmers.  They grow my green source of food.





 

Most Days

Most days, I talk to my Father. As far away as heaven seems, there are times He seems to be so close.   At the end of the day only His opinion of me matters.  Lately I have been thinking alot about Motherhood, what it means, and how it has shaped my journey.

I have officially been a work outside of the home mom for 1 year, 4 months and 3 days.  I thought I never would miss any of the mundane days of piles of laundry, cooking hot lunches,  filling sippy cups, and pushing strollers.  Today I actually did... at least for a split second.

Recently a girlfriend pointed out to me how childhood is so short but, adulthood will last the rest of our children's lifetimes. As I thought about that, I realized there are many things that I can not change and so many things that I am glad I have did for my kids this far. 

One of the best gifts I can give to them from here on out is the gift of a whole mother.  The best thing I can do  for them is to  check my emotional baggage at Jesus' feet everyday if necessary  and not give it to them to carry,  and to make my health a priority so that I can have the energy and mobility to enjoy them as long as I am able to.

Today my heart longs for God's wisdom and perspective.  I look to him to weed out those things that are not necessary and shine His light on those things that are meaningful and life giving. 

So Dear Lord,  I ask this evening in the middle of my imperfection and constant comparison to the non existent perfect mom, I am in need of your perspective once again for you are the Perfect Parent. You are slow to anger and full of mercy. Thank you for being merciful to me.  Help me to extend mercy to others especially my children.

Dear Lord, at the end of myself gently remind me  that your love, your strength, your wisdom is limitless and is always  available to me.  Remind  me  that your hand of love  is far reaching and can touch my children's hearts and minds  in ways that I will never be able to.  Help me  to trust that you will always partner with me and help me to be the parent I  need to be at every season of life my children walk through.  And where I have fallen short, fill in those gaps as only you can. Thank you for being a loving, completely whole Heavenly Father.   Amen.